How it feels like to love or be with someone with severe anxiety.

For anyone who thinks she/he's falling for a girl who tends to be a little on the anxious side, just know that it's going to be different than any girl you've loved before. She is going to be a little, or a lot, guarded. She'll scare easier. She's going to have a hard time trusting you, but it doesn't mean she doesn't.

She'll come off as confident and resilient, the type of person who knows how to get what she wants. She wants everyone to think she's strong, but don't be fooled so easily. When she realizes you can see through the show she puts on, it'll scare her. 

She wasn't sure if you will stay, because everyone get tired of her. She'll show you the worst because she wanted to know the real you, what's your plan to her, are you here to stay, are you here for good? do you have hidden agenda? is she just your back up plan? can you handle her at her worst, because, for sure that day will come.

The first time she breaks down and shows you what's really going on inside her head, it's going to be confusing. It's going to be so different from the side of her that you've seen before, and it's going to catch you off guard. and when this time comes, when she opens up to you, means that she trusted you know with all her cards, please don't take it lightly.

People in her world wasn't kind before, so she wasn't sure you are going to be different.

no matter how long you've been together, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 year.

If you choose to stick around, it won't always be easy. 

As badly as I know you're going to want to, you can't just swoop in and save her from her past. She's been through a lot and it has affected her in ways you'll never be able to understand. You're going to try to kiss away her pain and her scars and all of her bad memories, but there will be times when you crawl into bed with her at 2 am after a long night and she's going to be in another world. No matter how hard you try, you won't be able to reach her, and that's okay. Sometimes she'll do that. She's just scared that if she explains what's going on in her head, all her doubts, and fears, that you'll run away just like the guys before you did. 

The best thing you can do in the world is to make her feel safe. When she's quiet, wrap your arms around her. When she's so stressed out that she can't form sentences correctly and those little worry lines form on her forehead, kiss her on the top of the head and tell her that you're there for her. 

Tell her that you understand, that she doesn't need to explain herself if she didn't want to, and let her speak when she needed to 

what she's going to say would seem to be nonsense and batshit crazy for you, 

but that is how raw she feels, and she knows that it doesn't make senses, and because she knows it, she scares that everything inside her head will scare you away, because no matter how hard she tried, she could never push all the thoughts away. 

She just needs to hear that it's going to be okay. 
she knows it will, she knows it will pass, she's done this ride before, 
this is not her first rollercoaster. 

She just needs someone to tell her, someone to convince her because right at that moment, her head tells her the other story. You'd be surprised by how much she really needs to hear those words, and hearing them from you will make a world of difference. 

I know it's gonna be hard to love her, but I can promise you one thing. If you stick around if you learn to love her little or a lot freak out moments about things that seem incredibly inconsequential, if you let her be herself and you learn how to handle her incessant worrying; without take it personally because it's not about you, it is all inside her head. And if you ride this with her it will change your life. Yes, she'll teach you patience and kindness as you've never known you have inside you. 

Once she knows that she can trust you, she'll show you a kind of love and understanding like you've never seen, and will likely never see again. When you break down her walls, she will do the same for you. You'll never have to explain yourself to her, and she will always be your #1 fan. Irreplaceable.

So although I know it may not seem worth it when she's crying and you can't do anything to help, or when she's been freaking out for four hours over something that makes no sense to you, but I can promise you that loving a girl with anxiety will change your world because she will NEVER love you half way. 

Raw and Loudly

Do not send mixed signals. Do not make me play mind reader. Do not expect me to guess how you feel about me. Tell me yourself. Speak your mind. Use your words. Raise your voice. Stop holding back your emotions and let them pour from you. I want to know what you think about when your eyes meet mine. I want to hear what your heartbeat is screaming.

Fuck your friends who tease you about being whipped by your girlfriend. Fuck passersby who are offended by a little bit of PDA. Fuck society for making you feel like you have to hold back your emotions, like acting heartless will protect you, like you are cooler when you do not care.

I want to see your vulnerable side. I want you to see you raw. I want to see you without a clamp around your heart.

You don’t have to hold yourself back around me. I’m not going to call you clingy. I’m not going to make you feel stupid about your innermost feelings. I am going to be impressed by your honesty because most people are afraid to embrace their truth. They play pretend in place of acting authentic. They distance themselves when they should be closing the gap.

Hug me from behind. Pull me onto your lap. Cuddle me. Play footsie with me beneath the dinner table. Call me beautiful. Call me baby. Kiss my forehead, my cheeks, my stomach.

I want you to be proud to call me your girlfriend. I don’t want you to hide me away inside the apartment. I don’t want to date you undercover.

I want to share our story with the universe because we are too excited to keep it to ourselves.

I don’t want you to play it cool. I want you to love me loudly.

The wrong person will call you "too much", the right one will call you "adventure".

Caring is not a crime. Getting attached easily is not a sign of a weakened heart.

You should be proud of your vulnerability. After everything you have gone through, it would be easier for you to say screw love, screw forever, screw happily ever afters. But you have not done that. You are still wearing your heart on your sleeve. You are still taking risks for love.

It takes strength to hand over a bruised heart. It takes strength to love again after being torn apart in the past. It takes strength to act what people call "clingy".

If someone does not see the value in your feeling, if someone is uncomfortable with how much attention you give them, you should march your heart in a different direction. Your soft heart is meant to be appreciated, not mocked.

Never settle for someone who makes you feel weird about how much you care.

You are allowed to show excitement and enthusiasm. You are allowed to look someone in the eyes and admit how you feel about them instead of sending subtle signals until they get the hint. You do not have to hide your feelings behind a blank mask. You can speak from your heart. You can say what is on your mind. You are allowed to tell how much you love. and your love wasn't suppose to be a burden.

You should never censor yourself around the love of your life. You should never feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them to avoid sending them running in another direction. 

You deserve someone who appreciates your transparency. Someone who is thankful they do not have to guess what you are thinking.

It takes strength to wear your heart on your sleeve when everyone else expects you to hide your heart away.

Stop apologizing for expressing yourself. Stop apologizing for being in touch with your emotions. Stop apologizing for treating others with the kind of kindness they deserve.

Some people might be intimidated by your honesty, but acting clingy is better than acting distant. It is better than pretending to be emotionless. It is better than censoring every thought that pops into your head. It is better than living a lie.

If you scare someone off with your too much feelings, let them leave. If someone calls you annoying for how much you care, let them leave too. 

The wrong person will call you "too much", the right one will call you "adventure". The right person will not mistake your clinginess as a character flaw. They will realize it is one of the most beautiful parts about you. Because it is part of you.

Girl ugly truth

Most Girls Don't Care About Money

For some guys (rich and poor alike) there's an assumption that girls are only interested in rich guys, and that the richer a guy is, the more interested the girls will be. Well, we won't lie: All other things being equal, there's a good chance your average girl prefers the Super-Rich Clone to the Homeless Clone. But just like you're interested in more aspects of a girl than just her bra size alone, your annual income, liquid assets, and real estate holdings (or lack thereof) don't necessarily matter to her. If you're a girl's type, she's going to be interested regardless of your dolla, dolla bills. And if she turns you down, there's a good chance it wasn't simply because she snuck a peek at your bank balance one time. Of course, if you're cheap and refuse to spend a dime on her, that's another story. It's less about the money, and more about the unspoken message that you're not worth that much to her. Now that's just common sense -- err, cents.  

You Better Introduce Them As Your Girlfriend

Let's set the stage. You're over at your girl's place. You've been going out for a few months. You're exclusive, and you each deleted your OkCupid profiles to prove it. Then her friends randomly show up, and she says, "Hi guys! This is my friend, Brad."

Hurts, doesn't it? Now you're wondering what's up. Are you too ugly? Is it something you said? Maybe you don't have enough money haven't been offering to pay for meals as often as she has? Are you in a fight? Has she downgraded you? Are you just her dirty little secret?

Well, same applies in reverse. When you're introducing her to friends, you introduce her as your girlfriend. And if you aren't 100% sure about the status of your relationship, maybe it's time to have that conversation with her -- like a real grown man. 

Keeping Secrets Is Cheating

When that cute girl you went to high school with added you on Facebook two months ago, you didn't tell her. Ditto when the girl liked a few of your statuses, and you liked a few of her profile pics. Ditto when you started chatting with her late one night and now you guys have regular talks. Ditto when you made plans to "have coffee and catch up" some time next week. Guess, what, pal? You might not have said anything strictly over the line. You might not have kissed, touched or even, gasp, fantasized about anything. But there's a reason you're not telling her -- you know that she wouldn't take it well. Well, you might not be cheating-cheating, but you're still cheating. Loving relationships are built on trust, not on the very tactical omissions of certain unpleasant truths. It might be time to look yourself in the mirror and own up to some of your more borderline behaviors, bud.  

Here is what the girls think: i respect trust and honesty ! If you hide something like this.. we might think about the possibilities to cheat ! 

They Worry If You Don't Text Them Back

 Text messages are a funny thing, aren't they? They take up zero space in the physical world -- they weigh nothing, they don't smell, and you can ingest an infinite amount without gaining weight -- but as meaningless as they sometimes seem, they secretly are full of meaning. Not all of them, of course -- "Brunch at 10 on Wednesday?" doesn't have the same power as "Baby, what's wrong? Why won't you pick up?" But a non-response to the former is a mere trifle compared to a non response to the latter. Admit it: When you choose not to answer your girlfriend's texts -- right away, or at all -- you're sending a message that they aren't important (and thus she isn't, either.) So be a gentleman, a hero, a knight in shining armor: If she texts you, just text back. (Unless you're driving.)

The Way You Write "I Love You" Matters

Text messages aren't the only little, itsy-bitsy things in the world that matter. Take love, for instance. Well, you may be asking yourself, "What is love?" And the answer, obviously, is "Baby, don't hurt me," and vigorous head-nodding. But A Night at the Roxbury references aside, love is a big deal, and it can manifest itself in your relationships in big ways. If she says, "I love you" and you say, "Me too," chances are, that's not the end of the discussion right there. Similarly, if she texts, "I love you," and you text back, "Luv u 2," you're sending her signals again. While this may seem like a minute detail, it can speak volumes to her about how committed you are to the sentiment -- in this case, not 2 much. If you really want to show her you love her, don't skimp. Use all the letters, and all the pronouns, and don't include any numbers -- unless you're making a heart with the "<" and the "3" at the end of the message.

When She's Mad, She Wants You To Give Her Attention 

This may seem counter-intuitive, but when she starts cursing at you, she really wants you to kiss her and tell her you love her. And when she ignores you, give her attention. Fights and spats and disagreements are mended with admissions of wrongdoing, forgiveness and 
sweet, sweet make-up romance -- not icy cold silence. (See.. It isn't so hard! Hahahah)

I hate to breaking the truth, but THIS IS BULLSHIT

As a person in a relationship. When its all get hard, we often said "how could he/she do that?  He's supposed to love me unconditionally."

OK, full stop.

First off, whenever I hear that someone is supposed to do anything in a relationship, an alarm goes off in my head. The phrase "supposed to" is basically the same as saying the word "should": it's a poisonous mindset word for relationships. It has a tone of blaming, shaming and coercing the other person to do what you want them to do... or else.

More importantly, when I heard She/he say that the partner supposed to "love unconditionally," I thought to myself, "Wait... do You seriously think that?"

Granted, I am very precise in the way I say things and how I use language.  So let's make clear what it means to do something "unconditionally"...

To do something unconditionally means that you do it without any criteria, conditions or expectations. In other words, if a man said that, means he was saying that he believed that "she's supposed" to "love him" no matter what he does or doesn't do, how he acts, etc.


He's essentially saying,

 "Welp, my job is done.  I'm in a relationship, she loves me, so I don't have to do anything... She will just love me forever and it doesn't matter if I stop doing the things that I used to do at the beginning of the relationship, please her in the ways I used to please her or act like the guy she fell in love with.  No need impression."

Sadly, our culture believes that! You think once you have a relationship, you can kick back and life somehow gets easier. You think You can get lazy and not worry about your relationship since that area is handled.


(And I'm not talking about just Man, I'm talking about everyone: men and women.)

I don't want to upset you.  I don't want to hurt your feelings.  And no, I don't believe that relationship success falls 100% on the woman or Man. All I know is that if you want success, then you deserve to know what will bring you success - someone needs to tell you the truth, even if it's unsettling sometimes.

Here's my point:  Relationships DO have conditions. Love might not, but relationship and attraction do.

Look, you selected each other based on criteria. There were conditions. 

I can't imagine that either you or your man just threw on a blindfold, pointed at a crowd of people and randomly chose each other. You met each other's conditions for a relationship partner and you expected that you would both continue to meet each other's conditions.

Yes, you love each other, but a relationship is more than just love. Relationships have conditions! The biological attraction has conditions!

Hate to be the one who breaks the bad news, but it's true... the good news is there's a much better approach to relationships that will work great for you...

A much more helpful view of relationships is that you are in service of one another.  The man you are with gives to you in loving service as best he can... and you give to him in loving service as best you can too.

That's much different than our culture's attitude of,

"Welp, I'm in a relationship now..  Glad that's handled - time to sit back and let a

lifetime of perfect love just effortlessly happen for me."

It sounds ridiculous when I say it outright like that, but that's the silent and deadly attitude most people have about love and relationships - like it's something you lock in and it's just handled, instead of an
ongoing constant... relationship.

I remember someone suggesting something excellent once that stuck with me
He spoke to an old man who had been married happily for 70 years or so.  And when he asked the old man his secret, the old man said,

"We just kept repeating the first 90 days of our relationship.  We never stopped 'dating' each other."

Damn! Amazing how simple is that?!

If you want the best relationship and love life possible, then...
The things that attracted you to each other at the beginning of your relationship should never stop.  The things that made you fall in love with each other should never stop.

Again, our culture has this weird idea that dating is meant to get someone on the hook and then once you've got them you can just be a slob afterward. And you might think that I sound jaded and cynical, but there's
a reason why most marriages end in acrimonious divorce today.

I need to say the hard truth!
Yes, obviously the man needs to be holding up his side of the relationship.  But every day you are in the relationship, you're choosing to be. 


She or He's not forcing you.  
They don't have a gun to your head.  
So if he's truly not servicing you in your relationship, you can leave...

But if you choose to stay with her/him... and you want the best love life and relationship possible... you need to look at a relationship as dating that person forever and being at your best, brightest, most attractive self in service of your relationship. When you come from that place in a relationship, that's when you start seeing him/her show up in the way that you remember her/him being at the beginning too.

Just so you know, I Forgive You.

Perhaps you didn’t know better, or maybe you did and did not care.

Perhaps it was true viciousness, or, as people told me after the fact, “Boys being Boys”. It didn’t seem that way, but who knows what was going on in your life? Maybe this is what you thought it was about. Maybe, given enough time, that was what I would have thought too. 

Perhaps you were hurting and you ended up don't realize you'll hurt me.

But we crossed paths, and since then I never quite knew such loneliness before.

It’s not just the things you would say to me, but the fact that everyone else seemed to agree. Everyone, including the adults, rushed to tell me: I was wrong to have my feelings hurt, that I should not be taking you seriously because you were young. Everyone seemed to defend what you were doing. and deep down I get it. you never meant to stay anyway.. you were just a phase, a chapter.

But It went against everything I knew. What happened to kindness, what happened to empathy? It seemed as though it didn’t matter at all. What mattered was how much you have liked yourself, and how many people you had on your side.

That mindfuck is not your fault, of course. That’s not what I’m forgiving you for.

I’m forgiving you for being cruel.

I’m forgiving you for taking out on me whatever it was that was torturing you at the time. your past hurt. or whatever it was.

I'm forgiving you for treating me as a punched bag, a spare, something that will fill your free time, at least till something better or new comes up.

I'm forgiving you for walked away before giving me fighting chance, just assumed I will be as demanding as your previous.

Mind, you probably don’t care one way or another. But then again, I’m not forgiving you for your sake. I’m doing it for mine.

I feel you.. maybe that was the reason I was so attracted to you.

I feel your pain somehow, and never once I thought someone that knew the pain of loss will cause it to another human being.

but, I forgive you anyway.

It’s taken me Months – and a trip to that bad place – to realize what you did had nothing to do with me. It was personal, but only in the most superficial of ways. The cruelty, the viciousness, that was all for you. 

I gave you an opening, and you went for the jugular.

Perhaps it was all you knew to do.

Perhaps you just wanted to do it.

It’s okay. I’m letting go of that hurt and self-doubt now.

I’m forgiving you for being you so that I can stand up and walk, instead of crawl, and help others walk too.

I forgive you.

Perhaps, in time, you will be able to forgive yourself, too. 

The Way I Missed You

Today was the first time in months that I could honestly say that I missed you. Not who I thought you were, and definitely not in a hateful “how-dare-he-break-my-heart” kind of way. It was more a “he-would’ve-loved-this” or a “he-used-to-do-that” kind of way. I know, it surprised me too.

I missed you in a way that it tensed every muscle in my body. In the way that it hurt so bad, yet when I remembered the way you look right before you kiss me, I warmed and every muscle in my body relaxed altogether.

I missed you in a quiet, internal bleeding kind of way. The kind where you don’t notice the pain until it’s unbearable, and you’ll definitely need a doctor. Surgery (and therapy), not optional.

I missed you in the way it feels to hold a warm cup of tea on a dark and rainy day. The kind of day where you cuddle up with all the blankets on the couch while pretending the rain isn’t pelting harshly against the windows. On the outside I was cold, but under all those layers, I felt warm like a sunny day.

I missed you like an inside joke with no one to share it with. It left me feeling empty and the joke completely meaningless.

I missed you in the mornings where I made myself scrambled eggs and tea. For some reason, no matter how hard I tried, I could never get them as good as yours. until I decided to stop making breakfast on my own.

I missed you when I knew that I would compare every gift to yours – and everyone to your thoughtfulness.

I missed you because I could remember everything. I remember the mornings I would wake up in your arms. I remember the way you looked when you kissed me.

I remember the way your eyes lit up when you were excited. I remember the way you smirked when you knew something I didn’t when you were trying to keep a secret. 

I remember how much you loved and were loved in return.

And for all these reasons and more, I remember how much I loved you.

But I also know that I don’t love you anymore, for all the things I can remember will never be enough to compensate for the fact that I don’t love you in that over-the-moon, burning, yearning, self-destructing kind of way. 

Not anymore.

Yet, it doesn’t hide the fact that there is a part of me still does love you – in a silent, secret, hidden away kind of way. And that’s okay, I think. And I think it’s okay that you don’t either.

I’m grateful for the time I had to get to know the person you hid from the rest of the world. I don’t think I could ever regret the person I became when I was with you.

But now I’ve become a whole new person. All on my own, complete and happy – without you. See, I told you I could do it. I never needed you, but boy, if only you’d known how much I wanted you.

And I hope one day if we ever meet again, I will be proud of me. Because I hope you know I am. Proud of me, I mean. And proud of you too, for everything you’ve wanted to do and have done, for everything you’ve accomplished and won. I know you’ve worked so hard to get to where you are now and, you and I both know how much you deserve it.

Much like how we both deserve to let each other go. I want to not miss you anymore. And I will.

What You Do When You’re Ready To Break Up, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Aries

(March 21st to April 19th)
Aries are known as being one of the more hot-headed and temperamental signs. They’ll say things they don’t necessarily mean because they want to hurt someone or hit below the belt. When an Aries is on their way out, you’ll know because they start picking fights where there doesn’t need to be one and making a scene out of things that should be otherwise innocuous. Basically, and Aries’ tactic is to try to get you to dump them so they don’t have to do the dirty work.

Taurus

(April 20th to May 21st)
Stubborn and afraid of confrontation, a Taurus is going to pretend like everything is toooootally fine for as long as they possibly can. They’ll begin to shutdown emotionally and become a vault when it comes to expressing how they actually feel. Eventually when their partner realizes something is up and confronts them, they’ll have the awkward conversation. But only after months and months of denial on the Taurus’s part and being forced into having the “we need to talk” talk.

Gemini

(May 22nd to June 21st)
Honestly you’re probably not going to be able to see it coming with a Gemini. They’re so good at presenting themselves exactly how they want to be seen that they could be completely falling out of love and nobody would know. A breakup with a Gemini is likely going to come out of nowhere and with no way of predicting it.

Cancer

(June 22nd to July 22nd)
Cancers have the biggest hearts in the zodiac and just want everyone to thrive and prosper and love again. They’ll try to make their ex’s life as cushioned and protected as possible before flipping the switch and leaving. They’ll want to know that there are poeple to care for the dumpee, that they’re safe. A Cancer is the sign that will always periodically check in with “how are you” texts. If you can sense that a Cancer is setting you up for a blow, they probably are.

Leo

(July 23rd to August 22nd)
Kind of like Aries, Leos have a flair for the dramatic. They love being asked about their personal lives and feeling like people are talking about them when they aren’t around. A Leo just wants everyone to care about the end of their relationship. If a Leo is still in a relationship but is tweeting break up lyrics, they’re probably getting ready to cut the cord.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)
Virgos want everything to be fair. No cheap shots, no pulling the rug out from under anyone. Just a clean, fair, breakup. It’s obvious a Virgo wants to breakup because they MAKE it obvious. They start talking about alternative plans, new crushes, or, you know, wanting to break up. If a Virgo says the words, “break up” it’s obviously already something they’re planning on.

Libra

(September 23rd to October 22nd)
Libras like to remain on everyone’s good side and sometimes have trouble pulling the trigger on big decisions. This is why a Libra is going to consult with a bunch of different people, before actually committing to a choice. A Libra is going to ask their family, friends, even just acquaintances for opinions so they can weigh the pros and cons and examine every possible outcome before deciding what to do. Could get awkward if it ever gets back to their partner…

Scorpio

(October 23rd to November 22nd)
The modus operandi for a Scorpio is to make the other person think that everything was their fault. It’s to manipulate the situation around so that all of the reasoning for the breakup is definitely not pinnable on the Scorpio. They’ll victimize themselves, ward off blame, twist things. Basically anything to make themselves seem like the angel while their ex looks like the bad guy. If you feel like you’re being gaslit, it’s probably a Scorpio trying to make you feel like you broke their heart.

Sagittarius

(November 23rd to December 21st)
They’ll probably ghost you by accident because they just hopped a plane to Portugal in an effort to Eat Pray Love themselves without remembering to actually dump you first. Or it’ll happen reluctantly after several glasses of wine and they’ll be so apologetic for not being able to be the person who you needed.

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)
Capricorns are frankly, a little cold, and can often make everything a business transaction, even when dealing with personal relationships. A Capricorn instinctually tries to make everything as stark and as clean as possible in order to alleviate any hard feelings, but they forget about actual FEELINGS in the process. If a Capricorn starts talking about things like they’re approaching a divorce court or **might** need to defend themselves, something’s up.

Aquarius

(January 21st to February 18th)
There will be no signs with an Aquarius. They will simply move all of their stuff out of the apartment, and say goodbye.

Pisces

(February 19th to March 20th)
A Pisces will go back on their decision a million times before committing to it. They’ll heave and haw and sob and need a ton of people reassuring them that breaking up is, in fact, the correct thing to do. They’ll take all of the blame and make it slightly about themselves, but rest assured that they definitely feel really bad about it. 

Anything is Better Than Nothing

"Almost is such a painfully poetic word; we were almost perfect, we were almost lovers, we almost made it."

You both crossed paths. In the end, only one of you could walk away with the head held high. it was easier to live his life knowing someone like you didn’t exist.

He likes you too much, He always talks about you with hoping eyes.. because somehow you have caused an inferno to be unleashed which is threatening to burn his entire existence to the ground and you’ll not there to fan the flames. 

He wishes that you are happy. He knows that you are happy right now. He knows you promise him nothing, But somehow he still has hope. Because somehow he thinks maybe in the future you'll be alone, he'll be the one who will be there for you. Because you subconsciously giving him the signal that he is the one you like to talk with the most.

You consider him as your best friend, and everytime something exciting happens in your life, you cannot wait to tell all about it to him. you guys have so many things in common, you guys like a missing twin.

I know you mean no harm, I know you just want a friendly gesture, Its actually nice having someone that cares about you. 

I know you don't want to lose a friend. But it's not fair for him and he will never move on right now, not with you always around, not with your friendly act. not with the fact that you talk to each other every single day. 

He told you that he understands, he told you that he is ready to put his feeling on the past, but somehow you know it's not true, deep down you realize the more you guys close to each other, his feeling will not go anywhere.

A small gesture for you could be a big lap on his heart.

You told yourself you have no bad intention, you just

 want to be friends because you like him too much like that. 

But it's not helping anyone. you just give a sense of False hope, And subconsciously keep him on a leash.

he was there when you broke down, he was there when you relapse over your demon, and he was there when you finally get up and find a new love, even tho, the new love is not him. he swallowed the pain whole.

I know you don't want to hurt anyone, I know you just don't know how to react to this.

You talk to each other every day but You wish that he's feeling will washed away over time, without you need to adjust with the new circumstances, without you have to distant yourself... you wish at the end he'll see that you can not offer anything more, because your heart belongs to someone else.. but you know it is not true if you are always around... you know the memories will clouding his judgment of the situation between you two.

You know how it feels you had been there. You had been in his position when you were thinking “anything is better than nothing” and “feeling hurt is better than absences” and to be honest it is not healthy for everyone, not for you, not for him.