How it feels like to love or be with someone with severe anxiety.

For anyone who thinks she/he's falling for a girl who tends to be a little on the anxious side, just know that it's going to be different than any girl you've loved before. She is going to be a little, or a lot, guarded. She'll scare easier. She's going to have a hard time trusting you, but it doesn't mean she doesn't.

She'll come off as confident and resilient, the type of person who knows how to get what she wants. She wants everyone to think she's strong, but don't be fooled so easily. When she realizes you can see through the show she puts on, it'll scare her. 

She wasn't sure if you will stay, because everyone get tired of her. She'll show you the worst because she wanted to know the real you, what's your plan to her, are you here to stay, are you here for good? do you have hidden agenda? is she just your back up plan? can you handle her at her worst, because, for sure that day will come.

The first time she breaks down and shows you what's really going on inside her head, it's going to be confusing. It's going to be so different from the side of her that you've seen before, and it's going to catch you off guard. and when this time comes, when she opens up to you, means that she trusted you know with all her cards, please don't take it lightly.

People in her world wasn't kind before, so she wasn't sure you are going to be different.

no matter how long you've been together, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 year.

If you choose to stick around, it won't always be easy. 

As badly as I know you're going to want to, you can't just swoop in and save her from her past. She's been through a lot and it has affected her in ways you'll never be able to understand. You're going to try to kiss away her pain and her scars and all of her bad memories, but there will be times when you crawl into bed with her at 2 am after a long night and she's going to be in another world. No matter how hard you try, you won't be able to reach her, and that's okay. Sometimes she'll do that. She's just scared that if she explains what's going on in her head, all her doubts, and fears, that you'll run away just like the guys before you did. 

The best thing you can do in the world is to make her feel safe. When she's quiet, wrap your arms around her. When she's so stressed out that she can't form sentences correctly and those little worry lines form on her forehead, kiss her on the top of the head and tell her that you're there for her. 

Tell her that you understand, that she doesn't need to explain herself if she didn't want to, and let her speak when she needed to 

what she's going to say would seem to be nonsense and batshit crazy for you, 

but that is how raw she feels, and she knows that it doesn't make senses, and because she knows it, she scares that everything inside her head will scare you away, because no matter how hard she tried, she could never push all the thoughts away. 

She just needs to hear that it's going to be okay. 
she knows it will, she knows it will pass, she's done this ride before, 
this is not her first rollercoaster. 

She just needs someone to tell her, someone to convince her because right at that moment, her head tells her the other story. You'd be surprised by how much she really needs to hear those words, and hearing them from you will make a world of difference. 

I know it's gonna be hard to love her, but I can promise you one thing. If you stick around if you learn to love her little or a lot freak out moments about things that seem incredibly inconsequential, if you let her be herself and you learn how to handle her incessant worrying; without take it personally because it's not about you, it is all inside her head. And if you ride this with her it will change your life. Yes, she'll teach you patience and kindness as you've never known you have inside you. 

Once she knows that she can trust you, she'll show you a kind of love and understanding like you've never seen, and will likely never see again. When you break down her walls, she will do the same for you. You'll never have to explain yourself to her, and she will always be your #1 fan. Irreplaceable.

So although I know it may not seem worth it when she's crying and you can't do anything to help, or when she's been freaking out for four hours over something that makes no sense to you, but I can promise you that loving a girl with anxiety will change your world because she will NEVER love you half way.