I hate to breaking the truth, but THIS IS BULLSHIT

As a person in a relationship. When its all get hard, we often said "how could he/she do that?  He's supposed to love me unconditionally."

OK, full stop.

First off, whenever I hear that someone is supposed to do anything in a relationship, an alarm goes off in my head. The phrase "supposed to" is basically the same as saying the word "should": it's a poisonous mindset word for relationships. It has a tone of blaming, shaming and coercing the other person to do what you want them to do... or else.

More importantly, when I heard She/he say that the partner supposed to "love unconditionally," I thought to myself, "Wait... do You seriously think that?"

Granted, I am very precise in the way I say things and how I use language.  So let's make clear what it means to do something "unconditionally"...

To do something unconditionally means that you do it without any criteria, conditions or expectations. In other words, if a man said that, means he was saying that he believed that "she's supposed" to "love him" no matter what he does or doesn't do, how he acts, etc.


He's essentially saying,

 "Welp, my job is done.  I'm in a relationship, she loves me, so I don't have to do anything... She will just love me forever and it doesn't matter if I stop doing the things that I used to do at the beginning of the relationship, please her in the ways I used to please her or act like the guy she fell in love with.  No need impression."

Sadly, our culture believes that! You think once you have a relationship, you can kick back and life somehow gets easier. You think You can get lazy and not worry about your relationship since that area is handled.


(And I'm not talking about just Man, I'm talking about everyone: men and women.)

I don't want to upset you.  I don't want to hurt your feelings.  And no, I don't believe that relationship success falls 100% on the woman or Man. All I know is that if you want success, then you deserve to know what will bring you success - someone needs to tell you the truth, even if it's unsettling sometimes.

Here's my point:  Relationships DO have conditions. Love might not, but relationship and attraction do.

Look, you selected each other based on criteria. There were conditions. 

I can't imagine that either you or your man just threw on a blindfold, pointed at a crowd of people and randomly chose each other. You met each other's conditions for a relationship partner and you expected that you would both continue to meet each other's conditions.

Yes, you love each other, but a relationship is more than just love. Relationships have conditions! The biological attraction has conditions!

Hate to be the one who breaks the bad news, but it's true... the good news is there's a much better approach to relationships that will work great for you...

A much more helpful view of relationships is that you are in service of one another.  The man you are with gives to you in loving service as best he can... and you give to him in loving service as best you can too.

That's much different than our culture's attitude of,

"Welp, I'm in a relationship now..  Glad that's handled - time to sit back and let a

lifetime of perfect love just effortlessly happen for me."

It sounds ridiculous when I say it outright like that, but that's the silent and deadly attitude most people have about love and relationships - like it's something you lock in and it's just handled, instead of an
ongoing constant... relationship.

I remember someone suggesting something excellent once that stuck with me
He spoke to an old man who had been married happily for 70 years or so.  And when he asked the old man his secret, the old man said,

"We just kept repeating the first 90 days of our relationship.  We never stopped 'dating' each other."

Damn! Amazing how simple is that?!

If you want the best relationship and love life possible, then...
The things that attracted you to each other at the beginning of your relationship should never stop.  The things that made you fall in love with each other should never stop.

Again, our culture has this weird idea that dating is meant to get someone on the hook and then once you've got them you can just be a slob afterward. And you might think that I sound jaded and cynical, but there's
a reason why most marriages end in acrimonious divorce today.

I need to say the hard truth!
Yes, obviously the man needs to be holding up his side of the relationship.  But every day you are in the relationship, you're choosing to be. 


She or He's not forcing you.  
They don't have a gun to your head.  
So if he's truly not servicing you in your relationship, you can leave...

But if you choose to stay with her/him... and you want the best love life and relationship possible... you need to look at a relationship as dating that person forever and being at your best, brightest, most attractive self in service of your relationship. When you come from that place in a relationship, that's when you start seeing him/her show up in the way that you remember her/him being at the beginning too.

Just so you know, I Forgive You.

Perhaps you didn’t know better, or maybe you did and did not care.

Perhaps it was true viciousness, or, as people told me after the fact, “Boys being Boys”. It didn’t seem that way, but who knows what was going on in your life? Maybe this is what you thought it was about. Maybe, given enough time, that was what I would have thought too. 

Perhaps you were hurting and you ended up don't realize you'll hurt me.

But we crossed paths, and since then I never quite knew such loneliness before.

It’s not just the things you would say to me, but the fact that everyone else seemed to agree. Everyone, including the adults, rushed to tell me: I was wrong to have my feelings hurt, that I should not be taking you seriously because you were young. Everyone seemed to defend what you were doing. and deep down I get it. you never meant to stay anyway.. you were just a phase, a chapter.

But It went against everything I knew. What happened to kindness, what happened to empathy? It seemed as though it didn’t matter at all. What mattered was how much you have liked yourself, and how many people you had on your side.

That mindfuck is not your fault, of course. That’s not what I’m forgiving you for.

I’m forgiving you for being cruel.

I’m forgiving you for taking out on me whatever it was that was torturing you at the time. your past hurt. or whatever it was.

I'm forgiving you for treating me as a punched bag, a spare, something that will fill your free time, at least till something better or new comes up.

I'm forgiving you for walked away before giving me fighting chance, just assumed I will be as demanding as your previous.

Mind, you probably don’t care one way or another. But then again, I’m not forgiving you for your sake. I’m doing it for mine.

I feel you.. maybe that was the reason I was so attracted to you.

I feel your pain somehow, and never once I thought someone that knew the pain of loss will cause it to another human being.

but, I forgive you anyway.

It’s taken me Months – and a trip to that bad place – to realize what you did had nothing to do with me. It was personal, but only in the most superficial of ways. The cruelty, the viciousness, that was all for you. 

I gave you an opening, and you went for the jugular.

Perhaps it was all you knew to do.

Perhaps you just wanted to do it.

It’s okay. I’m letting go of that hurt and self-doubt now.

I’m forgiving you for being you so that I can stand up and walk, instead of crawl, and help others walk too.

I forgive you.

Perhaps, in time, you will be able to forgive yourself, too. 

The Way I Missed You

Today was the first time in months that I could honestly say that I missed you. Not who I thought you were, and definitely not in a hateful “how-dare-he-break-my-heart” kind of way. It was more a “he-would’ve-loved-this” or a “he-used-to-do-that” kind of way. I know, it surprised me too.

I missed you in a way that it tensed every muscle in my body. In the way that it hurt so bad, yet when I remembered the way you look right before you kiss me, I warmed and every muscle in my body relaxed altogether.

I missed you in a quiet, internal bleeding kind of way. The kind where you don’t notice the pain until it’s unbearable, and you’ll definitely need a doctor. Surgery (and therapy), not optional.

I missed you in the way it feels to hold a warm cup of tea on a dark and rainy day. The kind of day where you cuddle up with all the blankets on the couch while pretending the rain isn’t pelting harshly against the windows. On the outside I was cold, but under all those layers, I felt warm like a sunny day.

I missed you like an inside joke with no one to share it with. It left me feeling empty and the joke completely meaningless.

I missed you in the mornings where I made myself scrambled eggs and tea. For some reason, no matter how hard I tried, I could never get them as good as yours. until I decided to stop making breakfast on my own.

I missed you when I knew that I would compare every gift to yours – and everyone to your thoughtfulness.

I missed you because I could remember everything. I remember the mornings I would wake up in your arms. I remember the way you looked when you kissed me.

I remember the way your eyes lit up when you were excited. I remember the way you smirked when you knew something I didn’t when you were trying to keep a secret. 

I remember how much you loved and were loved in return.

And for all these reasons and more, I remember how much I loved you.

But I also know that I don’t love you anymore, for all the things I can remember will never be enough to compensate for the fact that I don’t love you in that over-the-moon, burning, yearning, self-destructing kind of way. 

Not anymore.

Yet, it doesn’t hide the fact that there is a part of me still does love you – in a silent, secret, hidden away kind of way. And that’s okay, I think. And I think it’s okay that you don’t either.

I’m grateful for the time I had to get to know the person you hid from the rest of the world. I don’t think I could ever regret the person I became when I was with you.

But now I’ve become a whole new person. All on my own, complete and happy – without you. See, I told you I could do it. I never needed you, but boy, if only you’d known how much I wanted you.

And I hope one day if we ever meet again, I will be proud of me. Because I hope you know I am. Proud of me, I mean. And proud of you too, for everything you’ve wanted to do and have done, for everything you’ve accomplished and won. I know you’ve worked so hard to get to where you are now and, you and I both know how much you deserve it.

Much like how we both deserve to let each other go. I want to not miss you anymore. And I will.

What You Do When You’re Ready To Break Up, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Aries

(March 21st to April 19th)
Aries are known as being one of the more hot-headed and temperamental signs. They’ll say things they don’t necessarily mean because they want to hurt someone or hit below the belt. When an Aries is on their way out, you’ll know because they start picking fights where there doesn’t need to be one and making a scene out of things that should be otherwise innocuous. Basically, and Aries’ tactic is to try to get you to dump them so they don’t have to do the dirty work.

Taurus

(April 20th to May 21st)
Stubborn and afraid of confrontation, a Taurus is going to pretend like everything is toooootally fine for as long as they possibly can. They’ll begin to shutdown emotionally and become a vault when it comes to expressing how they actually feel. Eventually when their partner realizes something is up and confronts them, they’ll have the awkward conversation. But only after months and months of denial on the Taurus’s part and being forced into having the “we need to talk” talk.

Gemini

(May 22nd to June 21st)
Honestly you’re probably not going to be able to see it coming with a Gemini. They’re so good at presenting themselves exactly how they want to be seen that they could be completely falling out of love and nobody would know. A breakup with a Gemini is likely going to come out of nowhere and with no way of predicting it.

Cancer

(June 22nd to July 22nd)
Cancers have the biggest hearts in the zodiac and just want everyone to thrive and prosper and love again. They’ll try to make their ex’s life as cushioned and protected as possible before flipping the switch and leaving. They’ll want to know that there are poeple to care for the dumpee, that they’re safe. A Cancer is the sign that will always periodically check in with “how are you” texts. If you can sense that a Cancer is setting you up for a blow, they probably are.

Leo

(July 23rd to August 22nd)
Kind of like Aries, Leos have a flair for the dramatic. They love being asked about their personal lives and feeling like people are talking about them when they aren’t around. A Leo just wants everyone to care about the end of their relationship. If a Leo is still in a relationship but is tweeting break up lyrics, they’re probably getting ready to cut the cord.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)
Virgos want everything to be fair. No cheap shots, no pulling the rug out from under anyone. Just a clean, fair, breakup. It’s obvious a Virgo wants to breakup because they MAKE it obvious. They start talking about alternative plans, new crushes, or, you know, wanting to break up. If a Virgo says the words, “break up” it’s obviously already something they’re planning on.

Libra

(September 23rd to October 22nd)
Libras like to remain on everyone’s good side and sometimes have trouble pulling the trigger on big decisions. This is why a Libra is going to consult with a bunch of different people, before actually committing to a choice. A Libra is going to ask their family, friends, even just acquaintances for opinions so they can weigh the pros and cons and examine every possible outcome before deciding what to do. Could get awkward if it ever gets back to their partner…

Scorpio

(October 23rd to November 22nd)
The modus operandi for a Scorpio is to make the other person think that everything was their fault. It’s to manipulate the situation around so that all of the reasoning for the breakup is definitely not pinnable on the Scorpio. They’ll victimize themselves, ward off blame, twist things. Basically anything to make themselves seem like the angel while their ex looks like the bad guy. If you feel like you’re being gaslit, it’s probably a Scorpio trying to make you feel like you broke their heart.

Sagittarius

(November 23rd to December 21st)
They’ll probably ghost you by accident because they just hopped a plane to Portugal in an effort to Eat Pray Love themselves without remembering to actually dump you first. Or it’ll happen reluctantly after several glasses of wine and they’ll be so apologetic for not being able to be the person who you needed.

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)
Capricorns are frankly, a little cold, and can often make everything a business transaction, even when dealing with personal relationships. A Capricorn instinctually tries to make everything as stark and as clean as possible in order to alleviate any hard feelings, but they forget about actual FEELINGS in the process. If a Capricorn starts talking about things like they’re approaching a divorce court or **might** need to defend themselves, something’s up.

Aquarius

(January 21st to February 18th)
There will be no signs with an Aquarius. They will simply move all of their stuff out of the apartment, and say goodbye.

Pisces

(February 19th to March 20th)
A Pisces will go back on their decision a million times before committing to it. They’ll heave and haw and sob and need a ton of people reassuring them that breaking up is, in fact, the correct thing to do. They’ll take all of the blame and make it slightly about themselves, but rest assured that they definitely feel really bad about it. 

Anything is Better Than Nothing

"Almost is such a painfully poetic word; we were almost perfect, we were almost lovers, we almost made it."

You both crossed paths. In the end, only one of you could walk away with the head held high. it was easier to live his life knowing someone like you didn’t exist.

He likes you too much, He always talks about you with hoping eyes.. because somehow you have caused an inferno to be unleashed which is threatening to burn his entire existence to the ground and you’ll not there to fan the flames. 

He wishes that you are happy. He knows that you are happy right now. He knows you promise him nothing, But somehow he still has hope. Because somehow he thinks maybe in the future you'll be alone, he'll be the one who will be there for you. Because you subconsciously giving him the signal that he is the one you like to talk with the most.

You consider him as your best friend, and everytime something exciting happens in your life, you cannot wait to tell all about it to him. you guys have so many things in common, you guys like a missing twin.

I know you mean no harm, I know you just want a friendly gesture, Its actually nice having someone that cares about you. 

I know you don't want to lose a friend. But it's not fair for him and he will never move on right now, not with you always around, not with your friendly act. not with the fact that you talk to each other every single day. 

He told you that he understands, he told you that he is ready to put his feeling on the past, but somehow you know it's not true, deep down you realize the more you guys close to each other, his feeling will not go anywhere.

A small gesture for you could be a big lap on his heart.

You told yourself you have no bad intention, you just

 want to be friends because you like him too much like that. 

But it's not helping anyone. you just give a sense of False hope, And subconsciously keep him on a leash.

he was there when you broke down, he was there when you relapse over your demon, and he was there when you finally get up and find a new love, even tho, the new love is not him. he swallowed the pain whole.

I know you don't want to hurt anyone, I know you just don't know how to react to this.

You talk to each other every day but You wish that he's feeling will washed away over time, without you need to adjust with the new circumstances, without you have to distant yourself... you wish at the end he'll see that you can not offer anything more, because your heart belongs to someone else.. but you know it is not true if you are always around... you know the memories will clouding his judgment of the situation between you two.

You know how it feels you had been there. You had been in his position when you were thinking “anything is better than nothing” and “feeling hurt is better than absences” and to be honest it is not healthy for everyone, not for you, not for him.

I wish my anxiety is pretty

I wish my anxiety is pretty as all the girls in social media,
claim to have anxiety but manage to take full makeup selfies.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not bitter or accusing anyone to faking or attention seeking,
what I wish is my Anxiety is pretty as them, But she’s not.

My anxiety is pain inside my stomach,
Something stuck on my throats. Hurting my head
And that burning feeling on my chest
My anxiety comes without warning
It’s a mess during my working hours
Or sometimes visit me in the middle of the night.

I wish my Anxiety is pretty as them, But she’s not.
It’s a relapse to all my mistakes and my failures
It reminds me why people I loved doesn’t love me
It’s constant reminders that I hate my self
But I don’t want to hate my self.

It’s the time when it is so hard to get up in the morning
Or keeping me awake at night
It’s all the shaking hands and sometimes the whole body
It’s trying to force crying, so it goes down with the tears

I wish my Anxiety is pretty as them, But she’s not.
It’s refuse to put on makeup.
Or going to groceries with pajamas
It’s sleeping on the couch instead of my bed
And sometimes meditate won’t help

She’s the boogeyman
The monster inside the closet
It's anger
It’s force smiles
She’s said Sorry all the time

I wish my Anxiety is pretty as them, But she’s not.
Sometimes she pushes people I love away.
Sometimes she’s clingy
It’s ignoring texts for hours
And when people don’t reply within a minute,
she tells me they hate me.

When people said trust your guts feeling
she wraps my guts inside her arms
And always remind me there are dangers all the time

She wants me to have trust issues
She wants me to believe people are no kind
She is asking for constant reassurance
Because she told me everyone has a hidden agenda

No one loves me as they said they do
Because eventually, they will leave too.

I wish my Anxiety is pretty as them, But she’s not.
She makes people misunderstood me
Because they keep telling me not to worry
But she’s in my blood, and sometimes I wish just to cut the supply and drain her away.
She is something I can’t just turn off.
She’s the pain I can’t explain.

I know I can’t fight her.
All I can do it make peace with her.


And I hope someday I really find
someone who will make peace
With me and her too.

Because I am so much more than my anxiety.
There is a lot of love I can offer too.

because YOU ARE MATTER the most - Dating Someone With GAD

Girls with anxiety approach love differently because it means letting our guard down and giving someone the ability to drown us. 

Where girls without anxiety see a companion and person to spend time with, someone with anxiety needs to be safe, someone to protect them, and someone they can trust. or someone with a good ability to swim in the ocean of life to help us in case we are drowning.

that's why we mostly attracted with someone who is confident and always seems like enjoying their life. someone that can lead and guard us.

there are a few important things to know.

One of the biggest causes for anxiety is not knowing what is coming in the future. For girls with anxiety, the things we can't control are the most difficult for us to deal with. So when we ask you the same question over and over, it's not because we don't believe you. It is because we're scared you may have changed your mind. While it may get annoying to need to tell us constantly that you love us and you're not leaving, it is calming for us and makes us a happier. don't get mad, just laugh and said that your mind hasn't changed yet and we still your best gal, you will be amazed how that simple answer will make the day, and what we willing to do after to ensure your happiness of the day is the priority!

Sometimes we break down and feels a lot... a lot...

we treat you as You are our best friend, our number one resource, and the person we want to share our emotions with, regardless of if they're good or bad. If we're upset, we want you to be there to hold us while we cry and assure us things will get better. If we're happy, we want you to share in the happiness with us. We allow you to see us at our worst and at our best, so we come to you when we feel an anxiety attack coming on. We trust you to keep us from drowning, creating a bond between us you won't find with anyone else.

We lean on you a little more than normal girlfriends. When we're happy, we're happy; when we're sad, we're a mess. If we feel an ounce of anxiety, you are the first person we need. You are the only person we trust to handle us when we're shaking, and when we are gasping for breath. 

Anxiety causes you to feel everything deeply. We understand what it feels like to be alone, out of control, and when things are going, horribly, horribly wrong. Because we know just how awful that feeling can be, we want to make sure you never have to feel that way either. You are there for us when we need you, protect us from drowning in the ocean that is anxiety, and we love you for it. 

You are an overprotective person? I don't mind. 

Overprotective? Yes, please. Girls with anxiety need to feel safe in their relationships. We are independent, so don't get confused. We just need a little more safety. We need to know you are there, and you care. 

When we are out in public, we really don't like randoms hitting on us or making us feel uncomfortable, and we'd really like for you to step in and handle it calmly. Because we need to feel safe, girls with anxiety will never go out of their way to converse with randoms. You are our safety net, and you are the only one we will ever want. 

what we feel is real, and knowing we have someone there who is attempting to understand and not leaving no matter how many times we question it. We love you because you are our protector, our lover and our calmer. You are so much more to us than a significant other. You are our world, and we are so incredibly thankful for it, and we will tell you 10 million times a day.

We will never let you go to sleep without feeling loved. No matter how many times you ask if we are OK, we always say yes because your happiness is more important than our own, even though you always know when something is wrong. We will hold you like no other woman will, and we will appreciate all the small things you do.

Anxiety Tells Me So Many Lies I Have To Talk Myself Out Of Believing.

Anxiety tells me people don’t want to stay but feel they have to out of a sense of obligation. 

Anxiety tells me they wish they could leave but they are afraid of what it will do to me.

Anxiety tells me people aren’t choosing you, they just feel sorry for you. 

Anxiety tells me the only reason they are answering is that they’re polite. 

Anxiety tells me everyone waiting for the right moment to exit with grace.

It tells me I’m a burden. people hiding me because they are ashamed to have me in their lives.

Anxiety tells me, I might end up with another rejection.

Anxiety tells me I will never be as good as the past.. and definitely not better than the future. 

That I’m weird.

That I’m unwanted.

Unloved.

Crazy.

Anxiety tells me I need to keep apologizing.

Anxiety tells me I need to overcompensate so people have a reason to stay. I need to put effort more. love more. showing more. settle for less.

Anxiety tells me I am asking too much of what I deserved.

Anxiety tells me they aren’t answering because they don’t like me.

That they are deliberately ignoring me because of something I’ve done or said wrong.

Then anxiety reminds me of everything in the past that could apply to that scenario.

Anxiety tells me when they really get to know me, they’re going to hate me. 

Anxiety tries to teach me to hate myself.

Anxiety fixates upon my flaws saying if I were different maybe I’d be happier.

Anxiety tells me this is my fault.

Anxiety adds fuel to a fire that is self-doubt and criticism.

Anxiety keeps me up at night fixating upon everything I’ve done wrong or things I could do better.

Anxiety tells me I’m not good enough. 

Smart enough.

Pretty enough.

Normal enough.

Successful enough.

Anxiety tells me I’m going to fail.

That everyone I love will leave.

Anxiety tells me the love I have to give is not enough.

Then I wake up the next day still tired trying to counter that voice that haunts me.

Anxiety beats me up and punishes me for mistakes I can’t forgive myself for.

Anxiety tells me every worst-case scenario will come true.

Every worst fear will come to life.

Anxiety makes me feel like I’m always waiting. And I don’t even know what I’m waiting for I’m just uneasy.

I’m always comparing myself to someone and falling short.

Anxiety tells me I’ll never be good enough.

So I try so incredibly hard.

And most people are impressed.

Everyone but me.

I’ll never be a good enough friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend.

Anxiety tells me to hate myself for this. And as I break down and cry alone for things I can’t understand, anxiety knocks me when I’m already on my knees saying I deserve this.


But then everyone once in a while I come across someone whose voice speaks louder than doubts and questioning that goes on in my head. Anxiety might tell me, they’re here because they feel bad. But then those people counter those thoughts with a hug, a kind word, a conversation. And I realize anxiety might be forever a part of your life but there are people who want to be too.

“This isn’t love yet,” But it’s a little close to that.

Without a warning, the thought of him enters your brain and stays there day and night. You try to remember the last time you felt this dizzy and conflicted and torn. You close your eyes and embrace the silence around you, hoping to understand your emotions. And it’s somehow working. You’re starting to figure out why you suddenly can’t stop thinking about him.

“This isn’t love yet,” you tell yourself. But it’s a little closer to that. You’re a few moments away from completely tearing your walls down. The logical part of you is slowly disappearing. And you’re acting like a kid again. You catch yourself smiling for no reason at all. You rest your chin above your hands, unconsciously daydreaming.

“How did this happen?” you ask yourself. You look back on the day you first met when he shook your hand when you first heard him speak. Maybe his touch melted the coldness in your heart and you weren’t aware of it at that time.

Maybe when he seated inches from you, he was throwing signs that he was interested in getting to know you. Or maybe when you complimented him for his gesture, the universe decided that both of you could be a thing.

You wish there’s an easy way to describe what you’re feeling right now.  But that will be risky. You’re not bold enough to make that big move. You’re scared that you’ll only subject yourself to humiliation. 

Your bad experiences in the past weaken your confidence. You have so many what ifs. There are hundreds of questions swarming your brain at this point. Your gut encourages you to look for more proof, to give yourself more time. The deeper you try to find answers, the more confused you get.

The truth is, you’re scared. You don’t want to gamble. You have become so good at being alone. You have found a home in your own body. And you’re convinced that you don’t need anyone else. The peace that resides within you is threatened by a potential love story and you don’t know how to handle the issue properly. It’s hard to let someone in when you’ve been used to ignoring knocks on your door. It’s hard to let someone help you be warm when you’ve been comfortable being cold for so long.

You want to give love a try but only if there’s a guarantee. In the meantime, you’ll play it safe. This is how you protect yourself because you’ve learned your lesson. The fact that you think about him once in a while means he’s beginning to become an important person to you.

A pang of guilt hits your stomach because you’re not sure if constantly thinking about him is healthy. You’re not sure if making him a major part of your life is necessary.

That maybe there’s a future and you don’t have to worry about waking up to an empty bed anymore. You need not to be afraid of trusting someone again.