I wish my anxiety is pretty

I wish my anxiety is pretty as all the girls in social media,
claim to have anxiety but manage to take full makeup selfies.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not bitter or accusing anyone to faking or attention seeking,
what I wish is my Anxiety is pretty as them, But she’s not.

My anxiety is pain inside my stomach,
Something stuck on my throats. Hurting my head
And that burning feeling on my chest
My anxiety comes without warning
It’s a mess during my working hours
Or sometimes visit me in the middle of the night.

I wish my Anxiety is pretty as them, But she’s not.
It’s a relapse to all my mistakes and my failures
It reminds me why people I loved doesn’t love me
It’s constant reminders that I hate my self
But I don’t want to hate my self.

It’s the time when it is so hard to get up in the morning
Or keeping me awake at night
It’s all the shaking hands and sometimes the whole body
It’s trying to force crying, so it goes down with the tears

I wish my Anxiety is pretty as them, But she’s not.
It’s refuse to put on makeup.
Or going to groceries with pajamas
It’s sleeping on the couch instead of my bed
And sometimes meditate won’t help

She’s the boogeyman
The monster inside the closet
It's anger
It’s force smiles
She’s said Sorry all the time

I wish my Anxiety is pretty as them, But she’s not.
Sometimes she pushes people I love away.
Sometimes she’s clingy
It’s ignoring texts for hours
And when people don’t reply within a minute,
she tells me they hate me.

When people said trust your guts feeling
she wraps my guts inside her arms
And always remind me there are dangers all the time

She wants me to have trust issues
She wants me to believe people are no kind
She is asking for constant reassurance
Because she told me everyone has a hidden agenda

No one loves me as they said they do
Because eventually, they will leave too.

I wish my Anxiety is pretty as them, But she’s not.
She makes people misunderstood me
Because they keep telling me not to worry
But she’s in my blood, and sometimes I wish just to cut the supply and drain her away.
She is something I can’t just turn off.
She’s the pain I can’t explain.

I know I can’t fight her.
All I can do it make peace with her.


And I hope someday I really find
someone who will make peace
With me and her too.

Because I am so much more than my anxiety.
There is a lot of love I can offer too.

because YOU ARE MATTER the most - Dating Someone With GAD

Girls with anxiety approach love differently because it means letting our guard down and giving someone the ability to drown us. 

Where girls without anxiety see a companion and person to spend time with, someone with anxiety needs to be safe, someone to protect them, and someone they can trust. or someone with a good ability to swim in the ocean of life to help us in case we are drowning.

that's why we mostly attracted with someone who is confident and always seems like enjoying their life. someone that can lead and guard us.

there are a few important things to know.

One of the biggest causes for anxiety is not knowing what is coming in the future. For girls with anxiety, the things we can't control are the most difficult for us to deal with. So when we ask you the same question over and over, it's not because we don't believe you. It is because we're scared you may have changed your mind. While it may get annoying to need to tell us constantly that you love us and you're not leaving, it is calming for us and makes us a happier. don't get mad, just laugh and said that your mind hasn't changed yet and we still your best gal, you will be amazed how that simple answer will make the day, and what we willing to do after to ensure your happiness of the day is the priority!

Sometimes we break down and feels a lot... a lot...

we treat you as You are our best friend, our number one resource, and the person we want to share our emotions with, regardless of if they're good or bad. If we're upset, we want you to be there to hold us while we cry and assure us things will get better. If we're happy, we want you to share in the happiness with us. We allow you to see us at our worst and at our best, so we come to you when we feel an anxiety attack coming on. We trust you to keep us from drowning, creating a bond between us you won't find with anyone else.

We lean on you a little more than normal girlfriends. When we're happy, we're happy; when we're sad, we're a mess. If we feel an ounce of anxiety, you are the first person we need. You are the only person we trust to handle us when we're shaking, and when we are gasping for breath. 

Anxiety causes you to feel everything deeply. We understand what it feels like to be alone, out of control, and when things are going, horribly, horribly wrong. Because we know just how awful that feeling can be, we want to make sure you never have to feel that way either. You are there for us when we need you, protect us from drowning in the ocean that is anxiety, and we love you for it. 

You are an overprotective person? I don't mind. 

Overprotective? Yes, please. Girls with anxiety need to feel safe in their relationships. We are independent, so don't get confused. We just need a little more safety. We need to know you are there, and you care. 

When we are out in public, we really don't like randoms hitting on us or making us feel uncomfortable, and we'd really like for you to step in and handle it calmly. Because we need to feel safe, girls with anxiety will never go out of their way to converse with randoms. You are our safety net, and you are the only one we will ever want. 

what we feel is real, and knowing we have someone there who is attempting to understand and not leaving no matter how many times we question it. We love you because you are our protector, our lover and our calmer. You are so much more to us than a significant other. You are our world, and we are so incredibly thankful for it, and we will tell you 10 million times a day.

We will never let you go to sleep without feeling loved. No matter how many times you ask if we are OK, we always say yes because your happiness is more important than our own, even though you always know when something is wrong. We will hold you like no other woman will, and we will appreciate all the small things you do.