a letter from Sounti to Anna

To the strongest girl , I have ever met :
ANNA.

Hello Starting this letter on a lighter note , can this letter get a smile , please ? Thank you .

The thing about you that I find so beautiful is the way you handle yourself  and others with so much of care , with so much of love . The self - love that you are gaining , is a lesson for everyone out there , including  from Me. including the painful one. The kind of heart that you possess , the smile you spread , and the positivity one can feel while talking to you makes you a person of so much respect , of so much grace .

For how you make the other person so comfortable around you , how your small lectures change someone ' s life, make them believe in themselves . About how you love without conditions, even tho sometimes it is hard  , how you take care of the people around you , of the people you call yours,  makes you the kindest of all , a diamond to be precise .. you were hidden inside the rock. But now you finally shine out!


You are the bravest girl , I have met . The way you respect yourself and make everyone around you to respect you is something so appreciable . You learned to know your worth , and not everyone in this world is capable of doing so .

The love you shower on your family . The way you take care of your house . The way you consider your father your world makes you a perfect daughter .

You don ' t even know how much lucky your family must be feeling for having you as a member . I am so proud of the person you are growing into , of the person you already are , of the person you were yesterday .

All the adjectives I know are not enough to explain how much you mean to me , but then , they are not even required for you know this better than | know myself . Though you know this , let me say it again . I promise to stand by your side with more positive attitude like what you always show me. I cause you so much pain, my negativity, makes you lost someone you treasure the most. And the only thing i make sure this will never happen to you again, it’s me to changes my self. To be stronger, always . No matter what the situation is , no matter about the rights and wrongs.

you will find me beside you , supporting you from falling . You will find me smiling with you whenever you will be happy , you will find me making efforts whenever you will be sad .

I know it is time for me to Finally rest now. You Are stronger without me. You are smart to see and make your own judgment without me warning you. You are grow to be so strong. And i am proud of you.

You have made my last one year a better year , probably the best year of my life .. best Lesson.. and for that , the words cannot be enough to explain how much grateful I am towards you . Thanks for being in my life .

 Yours

someone , you helped to be a better person .

- Sounti

50/50

Never date someone who expects you to put in all of the efforts. You shouldn’t be the person running around, planning dates and initiating texts. Your relationship should not be one-sided, because you will burn yourself out.

sometimes you put a lot of effort and fight just to show your love but seems like you are never be good enough. but you are!
sometimes you think you dont worth a flowers or a spontaneous cuddles, but doesn't mean you don't deserve one.
you deserve someone who plan a dates
take you to dances
or buy you ice cream
someone who asks about your day
someone who love you as much as you do.
You deserves someone who never hide you, and proud of you.


Never date someone who puts more effort into the relationship either. You don’t want to be the one who loves less, the one who takes your person for granted. You don’t want to become spoiled and stop carrying your weight because you are dating someone who would never leave you, not even if you neglected them. 

You don’t want to turn into the kind of person you have always tried to keep away from. someone who took you for granted.

You should take turns initiating sex and panning dates. You should split responsibilities down the middle, as evenly as you can, so no one feels like they are getting ripped off or one-sided.

You have to give what you want to get. You have to keep the playing field even. Never make someone feel they are less worth. Just because you know they will love you anyway, doesn't mean you stop put your effort. 

Of course, there will be days when you have your bad days and your person took a step back and understand. there will be the day when your person don't know how to feel and you offer them hug to calm their mind.

You do not have to keep things 50/50 all the time. That is impossible. Besides, keeping score will do your relationship more harm than good. You don’t want to keep track of every nice thing you have done for your person because you feel like you are owed something in return. You should be doing nice things because you love them, not because you are hoping they will repay you.

but Never put your person in the position when they think they need to keep tryinng to please you, or make them feel they worth less because you stop trying. 

As long as you are both trying, as long as you are both doing your best, as long as you are both putting in an effort to keep your relationship strong, then you have what it takes to last

This too shall pass.

This too shall pass.

Because it always does. The heartache, the pain, the sadness. It will always pass if you give it enough time. Time is something that sometimes we do not allow ourselves. We want to rush things, we want to control the outcome of situations and then dictate how things move forward. Our human nature lacks patience but has an abundance of the desire of wanting to be the one to decide which way everything should flow. We don’t want to admit it, yet we all crave control and at times we all refuse to accept that we will never fully have it. Life is too unpredictable. Deciding when and how to move forward is something we do have control of, but we will never have control over time.

We’ve all heard it before, but the struggle is temporary, even though sometimes it feels like it lasts a lifetime. We’ve all been faced with moments where we’re told not to dwell in our struggle, not to let it get us down. When we are in those dark moments, we can find it difficult to really see beyond the current suffering. But the struggle truly is temporary… the challenging part is understanding that the depth of “temporary” varies in each case.

When you face the darkness in your life, no matter the situation, you have the choice on how you move through and forward from that darkness. You possess the power to choose your happy, choose your method of survival, choose how you overcome. This is not to say that you will not suffer, but to remind you that amidst the current suffrage you always have a choice. Do not allow yourself to become a victim to circumstance. You are so much more than your circumstances. You are so much more than the variables of life.

My wish for you is to understand that a life without struggle does not truly exist, no matter how things may sometimes seem. We show others what we want them to see, we share the moments of our lives that we want to share. We don’t always express our thoughts, our worries, our internal battles. But please always remember that no matter the circumstances you face and how trying times may get, the truth remains that you will be okay.

Give yourself the gift of allowing your life to be rich with experiences. You will face battles and you will choose how to get through them. You will decide how you can move forward, despite the obstacles in your path. And you will come out on the other side, confident that you made the right choices, even if they took you down alternate paths. Remembering that each path taken is a path that you will learn from. Every twist and turn will teach you about the person you are and the person you are becoming. There is never a lack of opportunity if you are willing to grow. Don’t be like those unwilling to change, don’t be like those who close themselves off to new experiences. Instead, choose growth, which is something that needs to be welcomed and sought after. Personal growth comes through struggle and grief just as much as it comes through triumph and joy. Allow yourself the gift of growth, allow yourself to be present in each moment, good or bad. Allow yourself to be here now, and I promise you that through it all, you will be okay.

the spark is going to come and go no matter what.

We don’t really walk away from anything in our lives. We simply outgrow them. It’s really rare that anything severs or breaks because of a lack of love. If there weren’t any love, we wouldn’t have bonded or attached to it in the first place.

We don’t walk away because we run out of love. We walk away because we run out of growth.

We walk away not because we aren’t still amazed by someone, but because we know that their plans and our plans are incompatible, and we aren’t willing to sacrifice our souls for their hearts. 

Because the truth is that you’re going to fight with every person you are in a relationship with, often about similar things, and with similar intensity. The truth is that you’re going to lose jobs and make enemies absolutely anywhere you live. You cannot immunize yourself to life by placing yourself in perfect circumstances. You cannot escape from reality.

But, We don’t walk away from anything because we stop loving it, we walk away when there’s nothing left to fight for. We walk away when we’re or them no longer willing to change, to adapt, to be BETTER for another person equally.

The truth is that everything is going to hurt you, everything is going to challenge you, everything is going to be difficult sometimes. But the people and places you stay with — the ones you continue to carry with you — are the ones who are willing to go and growing in the same direction as you.

The one worth fight for

The one worth staying for.

they’re the ones in which both people resolve arguments and agree that they never want to fight like that again. 

They’re the ones in which two partners have a similar dream to grow, one that glues them together even when times are tough. They’re the ones in which two people are so inherently connected to one another, their futures are entwined, they’re one and the same.

That’s the purpose anything serves in your life: what and who it makes you out to be.

This is how you know whether or not it’s time to let go or to try harder: 

you ask yourself whether or not that thing is going to make you a better person or waste of time. You asked your self if you both wanted to grow together.

the spark is going to come and go no matter what. no matter who you are with, the circle will repeat if you aren't willing to grow and learn. 

You’re never going to look at a person or place with the same fresh, wild eyes you did when you first were introduced. You’re going to get used to your surroundings. You’re going to get used to each other. The newness is going to fade into normalcy, eventually.

What is going to carry you through these times is not your present, it’s the future you’re committing to creating together. And grow together.

Love .

I always amazed by people who say ”you got to love yourself first”

I wish self-love is that easy.

I wish self-love come from every inch of my body and every drop of my blood

I hope self-love is something that comes to me naturally

It is easy to say that self-love is one of the most important things in the world, and yes it is. It is.

Doesn't mean it comes easily

I was learning about love from people who never love me

Love is always bizarre for me

Something new.

When i was young my mom and dad love language is screaming to each other but keep telling me they love each other and it's just the way they talk. They sugarcoat the truth forget that i learned from what they showed me. Love is loud. 

You scream to people. Because you love them. You hurt people because you love them.

When i was a little older love is a form of a kind older boy with an unkind gesture that i called love. All touches felt like every needle hurting my skin. And he called it love. I was 7.

Everyday Love comes in a form of fighting for your spot among your sisters to be your mom’s favorite because she always has a different one every month. and never you, because you are the ugly one

Self-love i learn from the television is how to make your hair longer, get your skin whiter, and yourself thinner because that is the only way the love will find you.

Love comes in form of wizard that trick me into the dungeon.

In form of a dragon that kept me inside the prison. And everyday was  constant repeatation of reminders that i am not good enough, people can leave me, and the fact that people stay its because i am lucky the’ve had picked me.

When I thought i see love. It was never it. Or maybe it is love. Come in the form of the wolf that feast on my blood and left me empty as soon as the moon disappear. 

And i loved them hard and not loved hard enough in returned.

I love them harder hoping that people will eventually see the worth to love me back.

My love language is verbal. And loud. 

I am louder so they can listen and pay attention. It was never good enough.

So i thought for so long, this is what i deserve.

That's the way of love i know. The way of love i learned. 

And yeah. It is easy to say you gotta love your self. But what i was taught that i have to fight for love. because i deserves none.

I have none to give to my self because i was taught to give it all to get one in return. 

I started to pick up the wasted love that people Dont want from me and begin to give it to my self, i do. But it doesn't come easily. 

So on my bad day

Dont tell me you have to love yourself first

Becaus i tried, i do.

YOU ARE STRONG. YOU SPEAK UP.

You are strong because you are in a constant battle with your anxiety. It’s telling you that you are weak. That you shouldn’t speak up.

Some days, you couldn't hold your own voices, someday you listen to everything that voice tells you. But other days, you finds the power to ignore it. You find the strength to leave your room. To socialize. To smile.

You are strong, because you show up, even when you shaking. you speak, even when it’s with a cracked voice. You keep breathing, even when those breaths are shaky.

It would be easy for you just to hold your voices and keep it inside your head and consume you, to cancel plans with your friends, turn down dates, skip class, call in sick from work — and sometimes, yes, you do. Sometimes, the idea of being around people is too much for you to handle.

But most of the time, you do what you have to do. You switch off your alarm. you go to showers. you dresses. And then you get shit done.

Of course, you get distracted throughout the day. The tiniest thing can send your mind spinning. A text from someone you didn’t expect to hear from. a worry though that you will be left behind, An email you isn’t quite sure how to answer. A strange look from one of your coworkers.

You suffer from constant self-consciousness, but you try to pushes past it. You ignore the way you think everyone is looking at you, judging you, and you force yourself to be productive. you force yourself to focus on what’s important.

You refuse to let anxiety control your life. you try to not let you dark thoughts eclipse the positive ones. you motivated to be the best person you can be.

At times, your anxiety makes you feel weak and need someone, you feel like you don't deserve to be in the same room as people that can talk to strangers as if they’ve known each other for years.

But even though you feel inferior, that’s far from the truth. YOU ARE a warrior. A badass.

You try so hard. You put in so much effort. And you got so far.

Some people rarely venture outside of their comfort zone — but YOU are outside of your comfort zone every damn day. 

Sure, there are times when You suffers from setbacks. When you don't say a single word for hours. When you stay in your pajamas and puts off showering.

But there are other times when you find the courage to speak your mind. When you surprise yourself with how brave you can be. even after that, all you got is rejection.

You probably don’t realize it yet, but girls with anxiety are the strongest girls in the world because they never have a minute of peace. Because they’re always struggling — and they’re always winning. You are strong!

How it feels like to love or be with someone with severe anxiety.

For anyone who thinks she/he's falling for a girl who tends to be a little on the anxious side, just know that it's going to be different than any girl you've loved before. She is going to be a little, or a lot, guarded. She'll scare easier. She's going to have a hard time trusting you, but it doesn't mean she doesn't.

She'll come off as confident and resilient, the type of person who knows how to get what she wants. She wants everyone to think she's strong, but don't be fooled so easily. When she realizes you can see through the show she puts on, it'll scare her. 

She wasn't sure if you will stay, because everyone get tired of her. She'll show you the worst because she wanted to know the real you, what's your plan to her, are you here to stay, are you here for good? do you have hidden agenda? is she just your back up plan? can you handle her at her worst, because, for sure that day will come.

The first time she breaks down and shows you what's really going on inside her head, it's going to be confusing. It's going to be so different from the side of her that you've seen before, and it's going to catch you off guard. and when this time comes, when she opens up to you, means that she trusted you know with all her cards, please don't take it lightly.

People in her world wasn't kind before, so she wasn't sure you are going to be different.

no matter how long you've been together, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 year.

If you choose to stick around, it won't always be easy. 

As badly as I know you're going to want to, you can't just swoop in and save her from her past. She's been through a lot and it has affected her in ways you'll never be able to understand. You're going to try to kiss away her pain and her scars and all of her bad memories, but there will be times when you crawl into bed with her at 2 am after a long night and she's going to be in another world. No matter how hard you try, you won't be able to reach her, and that's okay. Sometimes she'll do that. She's just scared that if she explains what's going on in her head, all her doubts, and fears, that you'll run away just like the guys before you did. 

The best thing you can do in the world is to make her feel safe. When she's quiet, wrap your arms around her. When she's so stressed out that she can't form sentences correctly and those little worry lines form on her forehead, kiss her on the top of the head and tell her that you're there for her. 

Tell her that you understand, that she doesn't need to explain herself if she didn't want to, and let her speak when she needed to 

what she's going to say would seem to be nonsense and batshit crazy for you, 

but that is how raw she feels, and she knows that it doesn't make senses, and because she knows it, she scares that everything inside her head will scare you away, because no matter how hard she tried, she could never push all the thoughts away. 

She just needs to hear that it's going to be okay. 
she knows it will, she knows it will pass, she's done this ride before, 
this is not her first rollercoaster. 

She just needs someone to tell her, someone to convince her because right at that moment, her head tells her the other story. You'd be surprised by how much she really needs to hear those words, and hearing them from you will make a world of difference. 

I know it's gonna be hard to love her, but I can promise you one thing. If you stick around if you learn to love her little or a lot freak out moments about things that seem incredibly inconsequential, if you let her be herself and you learn how to handle her incessant worrying; without take it personally because it's not about you, it is all inside her head. And if you ride this with her it will change your life. Yes, she'll teach you patience and kindness as you've never known you have inside you. 

Once she knows that she can trust you, she'll show you a kind of love and understanding like you've never seen, and will likely never see again. When you break down her walls, she will do the same for you. You'll never have to explain yourself to her, and she will always be your #1 fan. Irreplaceable.

So although I know it may not seem worth it when she's crying and you can't do anything to help, or when she's been freaking out for four hours over something that makes no sense to you, but I can promise you that loving a girl with anxiety will change your world because she will NEVER love you half way. 

Raw and Loudly

Do not send mixed signals. Do not make me play mind reader. Do not expect me to guess how you feel about me. Tell me yourself. Speak your mind. Use your words. Raise your voice. Stop holding back your emotions and let them pour from you. I want to know what you think about when your eyes meet mine. I want to hear what your heartbeat is screaming.

Fuck your friends who tease you about being whipped by your girlfriend. Fuck passersby who are offended by a little bit of PDA. Fuck society for making you feel like you have to hold back your emotions, like acting heartless will protect you, like you are cooler when you do not care.

I want to see your vulnerable side. I want you to see you raw. I want to see you without a clamp around your heart.

You don’t have to hold yourself back around me. I’m not going to call you clingy. I’m not going to make you feel stupid about your innermost feelings. I am going to be impressed by your honesty because most people are afraid to embrace their truth. They play pretend in place of acting authentic. They distance themselves when they should be closing the gap.

Hug me from behind. Pull me onto your lap. Cuddle me. Play footsie with me beneath the dinner table. Call me beautiful. Call me baby. Kiss my forehead, my cheeks, my stomach.

I want you to be proud to call me your girlfriend. I don’t want you to hide me away inside the apartment. I don’t want to date you undercover.

I want to share our story with the universe because we are too excited to keep it to ourselves.

I don’t want you to play it cool. I want you to love me loudly.

The wrong person will call you "too much", the right one will call you "adventure".

Caring is not a crime. Getting attached easily is not a sign of a weakened heart.

You should be proud of your vulnerability. After everything you have gone through, it would be easier for you to say screw love, screw forever, screw happily ever afters. But you have not done that. You are still wearing your heart on your sleeve. You are still taking risks for love.

It takes strength to hand over a bruised heart. It takes strength to love again after being torn apart in the past. It takes strength to act what people call "clingy".

If someone does not see the value in your feeling, if someone is uncomfortable with how much attention you give them, you should march your heart in a different direction. Your soft heart is meant to be appreciated, not mocked.

Never settle for someone who makes you feel weird about how much you care.

You are allowed to show excitement and enthusiasm. You are allowed to look someone in the eyes and admit how you feel about them instead of sending subtle signals until they get the hint. You do not have to hide your feelings behind a blank mask. You can speak from your heart. You can say what is on your mind. You are allowed to tell how much you love. and your love wasn't suppose to be a burden.

You should never censor yourself around the love of your life. You should never feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them to avoid sending them running in another direction. 

You deserve someone who appreciates your transparency. Someone who is thankful they do not have to guess what you are thinking.

It takes strength to wear your heart on your sleeve when everyone else expects you to hide your heart away.

Stop apologizing for expressing yourself. Stop apologizing for being in touch with your emotions. Stop apologizing for treating others with the kind of kindness they deserve.

Some people might be intimidated by your honesty, but acting clingy is better than acting distant. It is better than pretending to be emotionless. It is better than censoring every thought that pops into your head. It is better than living a lie.

If you scare someone off with your too much feelings, let them leave. If someone calls you annoying for how much you care, let them leave too. 

The wrong person will call you "too much", the right one will call you "adventure". The right person will not mistake your clinginess as a character flaw. They will realize it is one of the most beautiful parts about you. Because it is part of you.

Girl ugly truth

Most Girls Don't Care About Money

For some guys (rich and poor alike) there's an assumption that girls are only interested in rich guys, and that the richer a guy is, the more interested the girls will be. Well, we won't lie: All other things being equal, there's a good chance your average girl prefers the Super-Rich Clone to the Homeless Clone. But just like you're interested in more aspects of a girl than just her bra size alone, your annual income, liquid assets, and real estate holdings (or lack thereof) don't necessarily matter to her. If you're a girl's type, she's going to be interested regardless of your dolla, dolla bills. And if she turns you down, there's a good chance it wasn't simply because she snuck a peek at your bank balance one time. Of course, if you're cheap and refuse to spend a dime on her, that's another story. It's less about the money, and more about the unspoken message that you're not worth that much to her. Now that's just common sense -- err, cents.  

You Better Introduce Them As Your Girlfriend

Let's set the stage. You're over at your girl's place. You've been going out for a few months. You're exclusive, and you each deleted your OkCupid profiles to prove it. Then her friends randomly show up, and she says, "Hi guys! This is my friend, Brad."

Hurts, doesn't it? Now you're wondering what's up. Are you too ugly? Is it something you said? Maybe you don't have enough money haven't been offering to pay for meals as often as she has? Are you in a fight? Has she downgraded you? Are you just her dirty little secret?

Well, same applies in reverse. When you're introducing her to friends, you introduce her as your girlfriend. And if you aren't 100% sure about the status of your relationship, maybe it's time to have that conversation with her -- like a real grown man. 

Keeping Secrets Is Cheating

When that cute girl you went to high school with added you on Facebook two months ago, you didn't tell her. Ditto when the girl liked a few of your statuses, and you liked a few of her profile pics. Ditto when you started chatting with her late one night and now you guys have regular talks. Ditto when you made plans to "have coffee and catch up" some time next week. Guess, what, pal? You might not have said anything strictly over the line. You might not have kissed, touched or even, gasp, fantasized about anything. But there's a reason you're not telling her -- you know that she wouldn't take it well. Well, you might not be cheating-cheating, but you're still cheating. Loving relationships are built on trust, not on the very tactical omissions of certain unpleasant truths. It might be time to look yourself in the mirror and own up to some of your more borderline behaviors, bud.  

Here is what the girls think: i respect trust and honesty ! If you hide something like this.. we might think about the possibilities to cheat ! 

They Worry If You Don't Text Them Back

 Text messages are a funny thing, aren't they? They take up zero space in the physical world -- they weigh nothing, they don't smell, and you can ingest an infinite amount without gaining weight -- but as meaningless as they sometimes seem, they secretly are full of meaning. Not all of them, of course -- "Brunch at 10 on Wednesday?" doesn't have the same power as "Baby, what's wrong? Why won't you pick up?" But a non-response to the former is a mere trifle compared to a non response to the latter. Admit it: When you choose not to answer your girlfriend's texts -- right away, or at all -- you're sending a message that they aren't important (and thus she isn't, either.) So be a gentleman, a hero, a knight in shining armor: If she texts you, just text back. (Unless you're driving.)

The Way You Write "I Love You" Matters

Text messages aren't the only little, itsy-bitsy things in the world that matter. Take love, for instance. Well, you may be asking yourself, "What is love?" And the answer, obviously, is "Baby, don't hurt me," and vigorous head-nodding. But A Night at the Roxbury references aside, love is a big deal, and it can manifest itself in your relationships in big ways. If she says, "I love you" and you say, "Me too," chances are, that's not the end of the discussion right there. Similarly, if she texts, "I love you," and you text back, "Luv u 2," you're sending her signals again. While this may seem like a minute detail, it can speak volumes to her about how committed you are to the sentiment -- in this case, not 2 much. If you really want to show her you love her, don't skimp. Use all the letters, and all the pronouns, and don't include any numbers -- unless you're making a heart with the "<" and the "3" at the end of the message.

When She's Mad, She Wants You To Give Her Attention 

This may seem counter-intuitive, but when she starts cursing at you, she really wants you to kiss her and tell her you love her. And when she ignores you, give her attention. Fights and spats and disagreements are mended with admissions of wrongdoing, forgiveness and 
sweet, sweet make-up romance -- not icy cold silence. (See.. It isn't so hard! Hahahah)